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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Swatme101

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Swatme101
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 956
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

#6315391 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (20973) - you deserved it (1453)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Smashed (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (16369) - you deserved it (3340)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

#6180431 (56)

I agree, your life sucks (22776) - you deserved it (6062)

On 11/06/2009 at 9:31am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

#5087862 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (36506) - you deserved it (2244)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:12pm - money - by effmylife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

#5054885 (59)

I agree, your life sucks (17052) - you deserved it (3817)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by LaurahLunatic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

#5049999 (590)

I agree, your life sucks (84477) - you deserved it (17443)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (20374) - you deserved it (34673)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (43967) - you deserved it (9667)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

#4850568 (280)

I agree, your life sucks (52202) - you deserved it (3544)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Hellohaileyexoh (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (50351) - you deserved it (2049)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air and thought to myself "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of my bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML

#4803979 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (33349) - you deserved it (2723)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:47am - animals - by MrMagicMan000 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (47615) - you deserved it (2250)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

#4596913 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (50099) - you deserved it (9423)

On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (58036) - you deserved it (7832)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

#4548386 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (34994) - you deserved it (1859)

On 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by iltdtsm - Canada (Nova Scotia)