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Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19773) - you deserved it (3399)
On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18059) - you deserved it (2814)
On 09/29/2012 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19352) - you deserved it (3097)
On 09/25/2012 at 1:42pm - intimacy - by orgasmsareoverratedanyway (woman) - Norway (Nordland)
Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5336) - you deserved it (19748)
On 09/19/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by unaware - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22542) - you deserved it (3170)
On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18358) - you deserved it (1974)
On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17334) - you deserved it (1853)
On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, it's been a week since I've been in hospital. No one has been to visit me. The nurses have nicknamed me "The Lonely One." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21228) - you deserved it (1048)
On 09/14/2012 at 6:17am - misc - by lonely one - United States
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16452) - you deserved it (1374)
On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)
Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18280) - you deserved it (4144)
On 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26630) - you deserved it (3198)
On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28062) - you deserved it (1266)
On 09/12/2012 at 4:44am - money - by humorizer - United States (Texas)
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36538) - you deserved it (2906)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16245) - you deserved it (1113)
On 09/11/2012 at 7:07pm - misc - by tdudey123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19260) - you deserved it (1276)
On 09/10/2012 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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