I smell like an Asian.
Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14122) - you totally deserved it (28180)
On 09/23/2009 at 10:10am - love - by Lifes_overated (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I asked this guy to lunch because I had something I wanted to tell him. Before I could say anything he kissed me and said, "I love you too!" I was planning on telling him that my dad had told me earlier that he was my half brother. FML
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On 09/10/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML
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On 09/10/2009 at 10:15am - work - by ritz (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 11 year old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach wearing a bikini. He said " Wow! Who's that?!" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said " Whats happened?!". FML
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On 09/10/2009 at 5:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
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On 09/06/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by Porkchop05 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML
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On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - love - by Nofatforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
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On 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by pootythe5th (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML
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On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML
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On 08/28/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by blinkme (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML
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On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
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On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML
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On 08/17/2009 at 3:49pm - love - by ditched (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML
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On 08/14/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
