If you're really interested check out clarkemywords.blogspot.com
Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20178) - you totally deserved it (1252)
On 10/12/2009 at 10:21am - love - by thisisbad (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6138) - you totally deserved it (34246)
On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from a mobile version
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend who had just been awakened by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35148) - you totally deserved it (2092)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23559) - you totally deserved it (3640)
On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML
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On 08/28/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by pistonchamp159 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML
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On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
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On 08/22/2009 at 2:29am - kids - by NoCookForYou (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10160) - you totally deserved it (42984)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
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On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39761) - you totally deserved it (3710)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML
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On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
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On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
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On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13033) - you totally deserved it (49528)
On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)
