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Stocking's favorite FMLs
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
by cosmonaut / 08/07/2009 at 5:18am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
by thanksalot / 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML
by Anonymous / 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by superman_not / 06/10/2009 at 11:46am / United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML
by KBO / 06/08/2009 at 2:54am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Tootsy_Roll_Pop / 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML
by laptopsRus / 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML
by heytherexo / 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML
by stillpoor / 03/14/2009 at 9:44am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
by language barriers / 02/12/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Transportation
by karma / 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by indian:( / 01/18/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML
by AgathedeBlouse / 11/18/2008 at 1:42am / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…