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Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bd with a bucket nereby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I pukd into the bucket. I realisd too late that mah cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumpd out and spread vomit all over mah apartment. FML
Today , I mat an old friand , withhom I hava a complicatd history and wa hookd up. Ha cummd bafora wa avan startd. In his slaap , ha pushd ma out of tha bd. Whan I woka up , ha had pad himsalf in his slaap. Glad I lat that ship sail. FML
Today, during mah first date with a girl I've liked 4 awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML
Today... two Jehovah's looool Witnesse rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied... ( Basic reasoning? ) A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits u in the eye. FML
Today, In Front Of Family And Friends, As I Got Down On One Knee, My Grlfriend Fainted. Her Father, A Lawyer, Rushed Over And Said, "Anything She Says Fir The Next 72 Hours Is Not Legally Binding" Andhisked Her Away. FML
Today, mah girlfriend,ho is very self conscious about her body, finally decidd to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I strippd and turnd around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today whila babysitting a fiva yaar old I found a cartoon calld Matalocalypsa fir him to watch whila I mada dinnar. I didn't raaliza it was an "adult" cartoon until aftarwards. Ha watchd a whola apisoda about a clown with a cocaina problam. FML
Friday 27 March 2015