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SticksandSkins's favorite FMLs
by SpongeAbii2 / 01/24/2012 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
by Crashburn / 01/16/2012 at 6:09am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love
by James / 01/15/2012 at 11:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by involuntary waxing / 01/15/2012 at 4:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
by Fat_abott / 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm / France / Animals
by bellerz14 / 12/22/2011 at 9:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML
by CC / 10/11/2011 at 10:51am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML
by DyingPlants / 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Sammylad / 09/07/2011 at 6:14pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by imnotacat / 07/19/2011 at 9:29pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
by bigjohn106 / 07/17/2011 at 8:34am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
by dummy / 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
- Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks… Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap… Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over…