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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. Having a moment of insanity, I crumbled and threw the receipt at the cashier, while yelling "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2862) - you deserved it (44422)
On 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm - misc - by TacoFail (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18644) - you deserved it (2402)
On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31175) - you deserved it (2967)
On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States
Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6299) - you deserved it (35117)
On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13840) - you deserved it (3125)
On 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by fatguyinalittlecoat (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31854) - you deserved it (2160)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32976) - you deserved it (193)
On 10/18/2009 at 12:06am - work - by booste (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40782) - you deserved it (2979)
On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (60690) - you deserved it (6911)
On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47641) - you deserved it (2095)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:32am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91528) - you deserved it (27408)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41688) - you deserved it (2266)
On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50090) - you deserved it (26477)
On 07/13/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by JackOLantern (man) - Satellite Provider
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60733) - you deserved it (2758)
On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38655) - you deserved it (8684)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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