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Steplo's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love
Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML
by Rynne S. / 03/13/2012 at 2:12am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by skinny dipper / 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Kathryn / 08/08/2011 at 7:58pm / United States (New York) / Health
by 613tanner / 05/19/2011 at 1:30am / Transportation
Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
by notthedad / 03/15/2011 at 11:50am / China / Love
Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2011 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Kids
by meowmeow / 09/21/2010 at 12:38am / Australia / Health
Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by OhNo / 07/13/2010 at 11:02am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
by anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML
by 1thapp3ns / 01/09/2010 at 11:29pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Love