Stealthgasm

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Stealthgasm

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 234
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Stealthgasm's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 5:14am

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Stealthgasm's favorite FMLs

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

by annie_nk / 12/26/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Utah) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy

Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML

by rescuetheduck / 04/10/2012 at 3:26pm / Finland (Eastern Finland) / Work

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

by Jayne / 03/29/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Health

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

by Brittany / 02/03/2010 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

by cmerr / 03/19/2009 at 3:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

by uncomfortable / 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

by Girl123999 / 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

by Picaresque / 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

by ruffrider / 02/05/2009 at 9:09am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

by Boredom / 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm / United States / Intimacy