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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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StarElise

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StarElise
  • Town/Country : UK
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 878
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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StarElise's favorite FMLs

Today, I lit some candles while waiting for my girlfriend to come over. I was trying to be romantic. Suddenly, I hear screaming from my bedroom. I run in thinking it was my girlfriend. Turns out my cat lit his whiskers on fire by sniffing the candles. FML

#6632857 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (20047) - you deserved it (3782)

On 12/06/2009 at 11:30am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

#6550671 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (8204) - you deserved it (21475)

On 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm - work - by Jen (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262 (431)

I agree, your life sucks (4362) - you deserved it (55691)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

#6422671 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (27730) - you deserved it (2493)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm - love - by TheGirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

#6298765 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (12810) - you deserved it (21366)

On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I was putting my contacts in when my daughter decided to jump on me from behind to scare me, causing me to poke myself in the eye. I'm now wearing an eye patch due to a scratched cornea while my daughter is singing some song titled "You are a pirate". FML

#6284625 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (22407) - you deserved it (1866)

On 11/13/2009 at 5:06am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (5206)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

#6035910 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (21495) - you deserved it (4469)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

#5975036 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (26122) - you deserved it (4673)

On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML

#5971275 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (4179)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

#5953871 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (7182) - you deserved it (24506)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:01am - work - by E.S. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

#5937926 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (38367) - you deserved it (3269)

On 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

#5910203 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (34887) - you deserved it (4198)

On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (66548) - you deserved it (9416)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

#5733211 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (30449) - you deserved it (2384)

On 10/09/2009 at 12:22am - love - by rhythmbandit (woman) - United States (Florida)