About SqueakyChipmunk :
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) You are legally required to read everything I say in a squeaky voice, or be faced with a court summons.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
About SqueakyChipmunk :
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SqueakyChipmunk's favorite FMLs
by Luna / 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2012 at 4:26pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work
by tuggernuts / 07/17/2012 at 11:32am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2012 at 4:00am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 12:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/11/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2012 at 4:15pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML
by yeastly / 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
by deadman / 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2012 at 6:37am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
by scorpionsurviver / 07/08/2012 at 5:47am / United States / Animals
Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML
by NoMagicMike / 06/27/2012 at 12:53pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…