About SqueakyChipmunk : I disappeared briefly, due to work and other stuff, but I've returned!
Thanks to lilhellian, I now have a female baby Pomeranian chipmunk named Joey. FUCK SCIENCE.
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/squeaky.thechipmunk
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) I think I've been on here long enough to where everybody reads my comments in a squeaky voice. If you don't, you need to start. OR DIE.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7685) - you deserved it (26887)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4586) - you deserved it (12996)
On 07/17/2012 at 4:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22366) - you deserved it (3494)
On 07/15/2012 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16502) - you deserved it (7564)
On 07/11/2012 at 1:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6038) - you deserved it (13513)
On 07/09/2012 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada
Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6734) - you deserved it (18269)
On 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by yeastly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18795) - you deserved it (1310)
On 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm - health - by deadman (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5353) - you deserved it (21273)
On 07/09/2012 at 6:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13934) - you deserved it (4989)
On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15019) - you deserved it (4280)
On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States
Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14449) - you deserved it (1259)
On 06/27/2012 at 12:53pm - work - by NoMagicMike (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17465) - you deserved it (1058)
On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18867) - you deserved it (10828)
On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13071) - you deserved it (2059)
On 06/21/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by noquiero (man) - United Kingdom (Durham)
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17036) - you deserved it (860)
On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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