About SqueakyChipmunk : I disappeared briefly, due to work and other stuff, but I've returned!
Thanks to lilhellian, I now have a female baby Pomeranian chipmunk named Joey. FUCK SCIENCE.
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/squeaky.thechipmunk
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) I think I've been on here long enough to where everybody reads my comments in a squeaky voice. If you don't, you need to start. OR DIE.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16691) - you deserved it (2316)
On 08/09/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4326) - you deserved it (30649)
On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)
Today, I learned that my son goes on online chat rooms and has sexual fantasy role-play. To make matters worse, the characters he uses are from My Little Pony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (2788)
On 08/08/2012 at 4:02am - intimacy - by FMLMom - United States (California)
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14182) - you deserved it (1285)
On 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm - misc - by Alisha - United States (Virginia)
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20068) - you deserved it (2114)
On 08/07/2012 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16769) - you deserved it (6302)
On 08/06/2012 at 11:08pm - health - by anonymous - Australia
Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20372) - you deserved it (3805)
On 08/06/2012 at 2:37am - love - by shastadoe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (5515)
On 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13861) - you deserved it (4489)
On 08/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by MAC. - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10975) - you deserved it (12656)
On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20979) - you deserved it (1029)
On 08/03/2012 at 6:50pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)
Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16738) - you deserved it (1492)
On 08/02/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18150) - you deserved it (905)
On 08/02/2012 at 12:22pm - work - by Pizzaguy (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (22046)
On 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5913) - you deserved it (33057)
On 07/31/2012 at 11:53am - love - by TheMissMuffly (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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