About SpicyDuck : Why does FML have a relationship status thing in your profile, but it's hidden?
As flattering as the messages I get from time to time on here are, this isn't a dating site guys. Messaging me based on the the picture you see makes you look like an ass.
Talk to me all you want, but you don't have to mention my appearance to get my attention.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you deserved it (7249)
On 04/09/2011 at 1:46am - intimacy - by fuundmental/// - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26337) - you deserved it (2942)
On 04/09/2011 at 1:32am - animals - by blehhx - United States
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28686) - you deserved it (4373)
On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47517) - you deserved it (21374)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35619) - you deserved it (22851)
On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27599) - you deserved it (4809)
On 03/25/2011 at 8:22am - health - by FromNL (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44593) - you deserved it (3088)
On 03/24/2011 at 9:30pm - love - by tannerpaul -
Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41755) - you deserved it (6421)
Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29036) - you deserved it (8489)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)
Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18493) - you deserved it (49007)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Fcuked (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9129) - you deserved it (30958)
On 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by PFCdavila (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41125) - you deserved it (3496)
On 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm - work - by Kim - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62312) - you deserved it (11805)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41212) - you deserved it (21059)
On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25762) - you deserved it (41022)
On 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by fffmmll - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Friday 24 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
