About SpicyDuck : Why does FML have a relationship status thing in your profile, but it's hidden?
As flattering as the messages I get from time to time on here are, this isn't a dating site guys. Messaging me based on the the picture you see makes you look like an ass.
Talk to me all you want, but you don't have to mention my appearance to get my attention.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29163) - you deserved it (7733)
On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40450) - you deserved it (6545)
On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States
Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18800) - you deserved it (6423)
On 06/18/2011 at 12:10pm - animals - by Barney - United States (Indiana)
Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22520) - you deserved it (10358)
On 06/18/2011 at 12:45am - misc - by sucks4me - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33225) - you deserved it (3322)
On 06/10/2011 at 4:09am - work - by lilben (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18072) - you deserved it (27815)
On 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48118) - you deserved it (3250)
On 06/02/2011 at 5:45am - health - by meyo555 - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56870) - you deserved it (2685)
On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML
I agree, your life sucks (63435) - you deserved it (2811)
On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51240) - you deserved it (7802)
On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23158) - you deserved it (4039)
On 05/13/2011 at 12:23pm - animals - by crazycat - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28412) - you deserved it (976)
Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11163) - you deserved it (32255)
On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51332) - you deserved it (3593)
On 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm - kids - by Monika (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35915) - you deserved it (5949)
On 05/04/2011 at 7:51am - intimacy - by woah (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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