About SpicyDuck : Why does FML have a relationship status thing in your profile, but it's hidden?
As flattering as the messages I get from time to time on here are, this isn't a dating site guys. Messaging me based on the the picture you see makes you look like an ass.
Talk to me all you want, but you don't have to mention my appearance to get my attention.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
The rules are the rules
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18978) - you deserved it (62102)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12193) - you deserved it (60038)
On 03/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by Lichelle (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you deserved it (65848)
On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (471372) - you deserved it (585278)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70023) - you deserved it (6289)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36622) - you deserved it (15285)
On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18247) - you deserved it (85161)
On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38526) - you deserved it (13390)
On 03/03/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by booyouwhoree (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38526) - you deserved it (13390)
On 03/03/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by booyouwhoree (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50793) - you deserved it (8819)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45762) - you deserved it (4904)
On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45762) - you deserved it (4904)
On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56338) - you deserved it (16214)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:49pm - intimacy - by naynay007 (man) - United States
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (416558) - you deserved it (26647)
On 02/13/2009 at 10:54am - intimacy - by The Sbeak (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (14483)
On 02/13/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by fmlfmboyfriendah (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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