About SparkOfJade : Semi-professional pole dancer in Washington D.C.
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Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26206) - you deserved it (3970)
On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31480) - you deserved it (1154)
On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38813) - you deserved it (1328)
On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23627) - you deserved it (1575)
On 09/11/2012 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (2307) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31362) - you deserved it (3020)
On 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm - intimacy - by madseason (man) - United States
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23034) - you deserved it (6920)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29076) - you deserved it (3175)
On 01/06/2012 at 11:16am - health - by Ixi_the_pixie - United States
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47453) - you deserved it (4251) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9780) - you deserved it (43121)
On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35495) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23954) - you deserved it (2640)
On 10/17/2011 at 9:14pm - work - by number2 - United States
Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19691) - you deserved it (4697)
On 09/19/2011 at 11:56am - work - by Lexiebear27 - United States
Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31903) - you deserved it (1987)
On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28884) - you deserved it (8539)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Monday 20 May 2013
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