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Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27532) - you deserved it (3118)
On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27148) - you deserved it (3270)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36036) - you deserved it (1544)
On 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by Sigh (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23696) - you deserved it (3419)
On 02/19/2013 at 2:01am - animals - by xtammyle - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30030) - you deserved it (1845)
On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11319) - you deserved it (29818)
On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21974) - you deserved it (1733)
On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27648) - you deserved it (3810)
On 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by daniel55 (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38196) - you deserved it (5706)
On 02/17/2013 at 10:50am - love - by Cheyennereed - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28252) - you deserved it (3115)
On 02/17/2013 at 3:02am - kids - by Lesser (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (4245)
On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25618) - you deserved it (1869)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12635) - you deserved it (37105)
On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33711) - you deserved it (3406)
On 02/15/2013 at 1:07am - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33754) - you deserved it (3261)
On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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