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Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3745) - you deserved it (19243)
On 03/20/2012 at 4:16am - misc - by argh (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14122) - you deserved it (10527)
On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16424) - you deserved it (1206)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm - misc - by vanorav (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18265) - you deserved it (1962)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19944) - you deserved it (910)
On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18288) - you deserved it (6789)
On 03/15/2012 at 4:44pm - love - by W45T3D_Y0UTH (woman) - Canada
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5696) - you deserved it (22136)
On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States
Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21601) - you deserved it (2184)
On 03/15/2012 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14565) - you deserved it (7820)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:32pm - misc - by solyana vr1 - United States
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8071) - you deserved it (21550)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States
Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19365) - you deserved it (2152)
On 03/14/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by S. Michaels (man) - United States
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20772) - you deserved it (1897)
On 03/14/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by CierraJordan - United States (Utah)
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22494) - you deserved it (12959)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18954) - you deserved it (1495)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm - misc - by lanu (man) - United States
Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30550) - you deserved it (1425)
On 03/13/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by Rynne S. - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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