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SoultheWolf's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
SoultheWolf's favorite FMLs
by fuck russia and fuck georgia too / 03/09/2014 at 2:38pm / Azerbaijan / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML
by hot sweet.... not / 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Kids
Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML
by clrichmond2009 / 02/19/2014 at 1:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
by Evolution mama / 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML
by Can't Believe It. / 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 11:12am / United States (Indiana) / Health
by ReallyMom / 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
by bleach bleach bleach / 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML
by ANONYMOUS -_- / 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 7:48pm / Canada / Miscellaneous