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Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22002) - you deserved it (3249)
On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29406) - you deserved it (2726)
On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States
Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25352) - you deserved it (2372)
On 01/17/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by Mizzaroo - United States (Washington)
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31151) - you deserved it (3351)
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10048) - you deserved it (35362)
On 01/16/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28470) - you deserved it (2030)
On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23396) - you deserved it (2072)
On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)
Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32014) - you deserved it (3559)
On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26608) - you deserved it (6187)
On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13933) - you deserved it (23488)
On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32533) - you deserved it (4908)
On 01/11/2013 at 6:36am - love - by GiraffeLover - Australia
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24371) - you deserved it (1625)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States
Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25001) - you deserved it (1792)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm - animals - by theycallmekitty (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26888) - you deserved it (4222)
On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)
Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23446) - you deserved it (4346)
On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Sunday 12 May 2013
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