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I never take things to heart
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Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39719) - you deserved it (3110)
On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -
Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35651) - you deserved it (6249)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50747) - you deserved it (3981)
On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37711) - you deserved it (4844) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57024) - you deserved it (3495)
On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (7955)
On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42135) - you deserved it (3842)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50445) - you deserved it (6115)
On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States
Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24679) - you deserved it (33068)
On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69263) - you deserved it (4191)
On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34712) - you deserved it (6300)
On 05/09/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by fml0505 (man) - United States
Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46953) - you deserved it (3312)
On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37818) - you deserved it (2550)
On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)
Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41497) - you deserved it (6458)
On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52294) - you deserved it (3870)
On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 20 May 2013
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