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Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14223) - you totally deserved it (222021)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (12109) - you totally deserved it (196101)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (216140) - you totally deserved it (238580)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
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