About Snentasus : I eat, I breathe, and I shower naked.
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Snentasus's favorite FMLs
Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
by willieboom / 05/30/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by LALALALA / 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML
by suckerrrrr / 05/29/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
by Jeanine / 05/28/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML
by squishyboy / 05/26/2009 at 4:23am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML
by wordmalfunction / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
by Angelofkarma / 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML
by Ames / 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
by ECullen / 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
by GrahamCracker / 05/21/2009 at 1:36am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by lm / 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 11:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML
by KarlwithaK / 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched… Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later… Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to…