About Snentasus : I eat, I breathe, and I shower naked.
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Snentasus's favorite FMLs
Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
by willieboom / 05/30/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by LALALALA / 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML
by suckerrrrr / 05/29/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
by Jeanine / 05/28/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML
by squishyboy / 05/26/2009 at 4:23am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML
by wordmalfunction / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
by Angelofkarma / 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML
by Ames / 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
by ECullen / 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
by GrahamCracker / 05/21/2009 at 1:36am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by lm / 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 11:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML
by KarlwithaK / 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To… Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk"… Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my…