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SneakyDeath's favorite FMLs
by marenthehollow / 10/30/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, an old man, while I was working, asked me to spell average-length words. Confused, I refused. Turns out I was apparently taking too long counting the large amount of small change he'd given to me, and he assumed I couldn't count or spell. I study law, and I've learned basic calculus. Welcome to retail. FML
by NoOrdinaryNZer / 10/30/2016 at 7:09am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Work
by Myorafield / 10/26/2016 at 2:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML
by JustWashedTheseJeans / 10/24/2016 at 9:05pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML
by cheekymonkey97 / 10/24/2016 at 12:48pm / Intimacy
by 2young4birds&bees / 10/24/2016 at 11:53am / Miscellaneous
by pantless / 10/23/2016 at 5:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML
by anonymous / 10/13/2016 at 11:46pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by makayta / 10/08/2016 at 2:20am / United States (California) / Work
Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 12:37pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML
by hikingtospace / 10/04/2016 at 11:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML
by StarDust5921 / 10/03/2016 at 9:55pm / United States (New York) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…