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Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41644) - you totally deserved it (7595)
On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39716) - you totally deserved it (3704)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32451) - you totally deserved it (2133)
On 07/13/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML
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On 07/12/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by yesnomaybeso7 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML
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On 07/02/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by ChocoMilkManG (man) - United States
Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailor started out with "Most babies are accidents..." right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40306) - you totally deserved it (2326)
On 06/28/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by A2 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by embarrassed4life (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8470) - you totally deserved it (36187)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34775) - you totally deserved it (12617)
On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML
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On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53403) - you totally deserved it (2570)
On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by kas (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML
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On 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out I felt someone grab my knee, I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes nearly 25 people we're starring at me, and the lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
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On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)
