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Smeelover27

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Smeelover27
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 916
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Smeelover27 : Are you a colonist because I'll do intolerable acts to you.

Are you 18th century California, because I'll search you for gold.

Just ask Thomas Payne! He knows dating me is common sense.

You know what's Constitutional? Tearing apart the articles of your clothing.

I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

If towels could tell jokes, they'd probably have a dry sense of humor.

What do you call an illegally parked
frog?
Toad.

Don't have phone sex.
You'll get hearing aids.

Smeelover27's last visitors

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Smeelover27's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16630) - you deserved it (42420)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

#20050418
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19759) - you deserved it (1943)

On 08/31/2012 at 1:23am - misc - by thatgirl17 - United States

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (4848)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

#20008307
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24841) - you deserved it (5389)

On 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by ohai95 (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

#19987585
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15688) - you deserved it (1689)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Midlothian)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (11925)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35077) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awake during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

#19727538
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18605) - you deserved it (9400)

On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

#19721854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20638) - you deserved it (1463)

On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13594) - you deserved it (26601)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

#19652325
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18629) - you deserved it (1608)

On 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18321) - you deserved it (7525)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24330) - you deserved it (2760)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)



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