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About Smeelover27 : Call me Paul Revere cause I'd like to give you a midnight ride.
No wonder they were called the Intolerable Acts! I wouldn't be able to handle it if there were a tax on your sugar.
I'm so glad that the Prohibition was repealed, because I'm drunk on you.
You know what's unconstitutional? The fact that you still have every Article of your clothing on.
This must be the 1900s because my train has some goods that I'd like to deliver down south.
Are you 19th century California? Cause I'll explore you all night long for gold.
Just ask Thomas Payne; dating me is Common Sense!
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Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
Friday 18 July 2014