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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML
I agree, your life sucks (17886) - you deserved it (3671)
On 06/09/2012 at 1:54am - misc - by donnap (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16187) - you deserved it (6526)
On 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17857) - you deserved it (1166)
On 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm - kids - by TimeForAHairCut - United States (Oregon)
Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14845) - you deserved it (2543)
On 06/05/2012 at 10:59pm - health - by Singapore - United States (New York)
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15894) - you deserved it (1597)
On 06/04/2012 at 4:37pm - kids - by obtuse_ballsack (man) - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)
Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19141) - you deserved it (1891)
On 06/02/2012 at 7:25pm - health - by must.not.itch. (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18889) - you deserved it (1869)
On 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm - kids - by liquid_sasquatch - United States
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4328) - you deserved it (17957)
On 05/16/2012 at 4:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37015) - you deserved it (3014)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22806) - you deserved it (4921)
On 05/06/2012 at 2:01pm - love - by Bridget (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13939) - you deserved it (25292)
On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14745) - you deserved it (5550)
On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18647) - you deserved it (3693)
On 05/04/2012 at 3:14pm - love - by john (man) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13316) - you deserved it (2569)
On 05/04/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by UnderConstruction (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10059) - you deserved it (29169)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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