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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5410) - you deserved it (15553)
On 07/01/2012 at 11:59am - animals - by mommabuser -
Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (514)
On 06/30/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18834) - you deserved it (2692)
On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17053) - you deserved it (2136)
On 06/30/2012 at 1:08am - work - by John - United States (New York)
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17714) - you deserved it (3017)
On 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by RatCityChick - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18429) - you deserved it (1204)
On 06/26/2012 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17455) - you deserved it (1057)
On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18644) - you deserved it (3824)
On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20522) - you deserved it (2210)
On 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm - misc - by tubby (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)
Today, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. As I did, a car that was passing by stopped, made a U-turn, and then came back so the people inside could laugh at me. When they were done taunting me, they made another U-turn and continued back in their original direction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17936) - you deserved it (1618)
On 06/18/2012 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17085) - you deserved it (9078)
On 06/17/2012 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40868) - you deserved it (2359)
On 06/14/2012 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by aranya (man) - Netherlands (Overijssel)
Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22036) - you deserved it (5793)
On 06/14/2012 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by a chick in California - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21373) - you deserved it (5709)
On 06/13/2012 at 10:21pm - intimacy - by biggieT - Sri Lanka (Western)
Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22514) - you deserved it (4117)
On 06/11/2012 at 3:14am - animals - by ILoveAnimals (woman) - Austria (Wien)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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