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Skittlesbaby's favorite FMLs
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML
by dumbdad / 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML
by drew / 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML
by Ashley / 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by pencilring / 09/04/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Love
Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML
Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML
by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 6:34am / Oman (Masqat) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
by lizardface / 08/23/2010 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Health
by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Single / 08/19/2010 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Love
by kiki / 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by MegahnDN / 06/11/2010 at 10:33am / United States / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,…