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Skittlesbaby's favorite FMLs
Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML
by StinkyDogs / 03/27/2011 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her tooth brush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
by Anonymous / 03/18/2011 at 5:25am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML
by aldfgadfklbg / 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
by Laura / 03/11/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by dumped / 03/10/2011 at 4:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
by Anon / 03/10/2011 at 10:08am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML
by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 12:18am / United States / Miscellaneous
by nick / 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my mother noticed that I hadn't taken the trash out in a few weeks and angry, piled various full trash bags on my bed. I've been away on holiday for the past three weeks, I guess she didn't notice that part. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
by stillsick / 03/01/2011 at 7:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail… Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's… Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found…