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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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SizeMayVary

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SizeMayVary
  • Town/Country : North Bend, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 March 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 3164
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About SizeMayVary : 18, college student. FML moments come almost daily to me.

SizeMayVary's last visitors

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SizeMayVary's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (8370) - you deserved it (41188)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

#4029812 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (49918) - you deserved it (15494)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

#4029321 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (36254) - you deserved it (19554)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

#4028166 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (13045) - you deserved it (30884)

On 07/25/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by PeterRabit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I told my mom that I was going to come back home at 3:00 a.m. At 3:15 a.m., my mom comes to the club, with 2 cops, wearing pyjamas, shouting my name and telling me to come back home. FML

#3872316 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (42216) - you deserved it (13563)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by marcelop - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

#3863732 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (40163) - you deserved it (9418)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

#3855655 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (45074) - you deserved it (2596)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm - intimacy - by nonmormon (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

#3581512 (384)

I agree, your life sucks (61299) - you deserved it (10728)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

#3173139 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (38934) - you deserved it (9505)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by feelinnauseous (woman) - United States

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033 (285)

I agree, your life sucks (7711) - you deserved it (76446)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (61401) - you deserved it (3889)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

#2929872 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (40149) - you deserved it (14641)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (59380) - you deserved it (6145)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681 (380)

I agree, your life sucks (36216) - you deserved it (87881)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

#2660481 (318)

I agree, your life sucks (46927) - you deserved it (8466)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States