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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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SirAndrew

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SirAndrew
  • Town/Country : Dallas, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 17 December 1989 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 8256
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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SirAndrew's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (18943) - you deserved it (57318)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was taking a shower after a run. We were under a tornado watch, and I halfway through the lights dimmed and I heard the tell-tale "train" sound. Panicked, I bolted wet and naked for the basement, crashing into my mom as I flew out the door. The sound was just her new vacuuming. FML

#1194699 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (36179) - you deserved it (9515)

On 04/21/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

#1051780 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (57984) - you deserved it (11871)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

#833140 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (12240) - you deserved it (100082)

On 04/06/2009 at 10:42am - money - by brhorton02 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I put my AIM status on my Current iTunes song. It also does it for videos I don't know. I've downloaded a lot of porn in my iTunes, and I wanted to watch. My status on AIM was "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (12568) - you deserved it (101523)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt - United States (New York)

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML

#797554 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (48233) - you deserved it (8645)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

#796743 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (60842) - you deserved it (3892)

On 04/04/2009 at 5:19am - animals - by cheaphubbyswife - Canada (Northwest Territories)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (57161) - you deserved it (12161)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

#786946 (59)

I agree, your life sucks (60559) - you deserved it (18847)

On 04/03/2009 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

#777672 (305)

I agree, your life sucks (121744) - you deserved it (18052)

On 04/03/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by lalanon (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167978) - you deserved it (51066)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352 (263)

I agree, your life sucks (42135) - you deserved it (50352)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

#722108 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (16025) - you deserved it (52523)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937 (229)

I agree, your life sucks (100977) - you deserved it (9676)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister got mad at me because I wouldn't let her read my IM conversation. I took a nap and when I woke up, my laptop was gone. She took it on a trip to her grandparents' house, six hours away. Nude pictures of me and my paper due tomorrow are on the laptop. FML

#718784 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (50304) - you deserved it (20544)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:32am - kids - by somerandomchick (woman) - United States (Georgia)