This member hasn't filled in the description.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41114) - you deserved it (3836)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44598) - you deserved it (2571)
Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36147) - you deserved it (17714)
On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48655) - you deserved it (2867)
On 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62182) - you deserved it (5229)
On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)
Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86364) - you deserved it (3209)
On 04/15/2013 at 3:37am - misc - by OPhere (man) - United States (California)
Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62248) - you deserved it (2563)
On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38802) - you deserved it (4148)
On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12005) - you deserved it (44743)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20545) - you deserved it (4277)
On 04/03/2013 at 8:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19050) - you deserved it (57911)
On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27206) - you deserved it (3270)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32483) - you deserved it (6286)
On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13637) - you deserved it (36569)
On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (4930)
On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
