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Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68930) - you deserved it (16882)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24530) - you deserved it (106419)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67367) - you deserved it (17980)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71608) - you deserved it (6055)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by cgold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45840) - you deserved it (81865)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47118) - you deserved it (11845)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (61810) - you deserved it (15468)
On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177571) - you deserved it (61396)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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