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Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39259) - you deserved it (3887)
On 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by grossgross (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10203) - you deserved it (35545)
On 09/19/2009 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10203) - you deserved it (35545)
On 09/19/2009 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I visited home. My drunk mother was screaming to my drunk stepdad about a fight four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "Orgasm face." And the neighbors were dancing outside coked out and naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61194) - you deserved it (3343)
On 09/19/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6821) - you deserved it (34507)
On 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by asdfas (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17938) - you deserved it (61043)
On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger then me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20123) - you deserved it (29576)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by nen_00 - United States (Iowa)
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31169) - you deserved it (6840)
On 09/14/2009 at 6:05am - money - by JhKhS (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)
Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32166) - you deserved it (3032)
On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51048) - you deserved it (11675)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26820) - you deserved it (6522)
On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17976) - you deserved it (3979)
On 09/05/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by LaurahLunatic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47085) - you deserved it (3324)
On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40213) - you deserved it (3496)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by helenablitz (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13198) - you deserved it (37285)
On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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