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Shannonbena

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Shannonbena
  • Town/Country : H-Town, Texas
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2077
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Shannonbena's favorite FMLs

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32684) - you deserved it (6514)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (3757)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

#21091901
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48551) - you deserved it (2568)

On 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

#21091449
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41165) - you deserved it (8653)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML

#21090611
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34793) - you deserved it (5564)

On 03/19/2014 at 2:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50606) - you deserved it (4031)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32376) - you deserved it (4551)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML

#21088268
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35447) - you deserved it (3492)

On 03/16/2014 at 4:10pm - money - by skyeraven (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

#21088136
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36586) - you deserved it (5646)

On 03/16/2014 at 1:53pm - love - by cumbucket cops (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

#21087493
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53959) - you deserved it (4099)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:48pm - love - by broken vows (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43791) - you deserved it (7885)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)



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