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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26866) - you deserved it (6469)
On 02/17/2010 at 3:15am - health - by Daddy. (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7657) - you deserved it (29265)
On 02/11/2010 at 12:33am - intimacy - by CatWoman (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47081) - you deserved it (129064)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (109674) - you deserved it (10331)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48875) - you deserved it (8862)
On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43153) - you deserved it (492560)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (314263) - you deserved it (41287)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (471064) - you deserved it (584923)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6046) - you deserved it (65046)
On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39528) - you deserved it (126606)
On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (343552)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6371) - you deserved it (26189)
On 01/16/2009 at 3:34am - intimacy - by horny bastard - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 17 June 2013
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