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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Shadowflames420

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Shadowflames420
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 71897
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Shadowflames420's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML

#8366883 (298)

I agree, your life sucks (23157) - you deserved it (4939)

On 02/17/2010 at 3:15am - health - by Daddy. (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

#8117396 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (6901) - you deserved it (23374)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:33am - intimacy - by CatWoman (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40698) - you deserved it (114318)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937 (229)

I agree, your life sucks (100965) - you deserved it (9672)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

#641288 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (47371) - you deserved it (8400)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348 (832)

I agree, your life sucks (32051) - you deserved it (381672)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

#481631 (523)

I agree, your life sucks (249059) - you deserved it (34301)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362950) - you deserved it (401280)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (5615) - you deserved it (62518)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, silettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978 (263)

I agree, your life sucks (36591) - you deserved it (114592)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (21618) - you deserved it (293844)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

#1321 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (6029) - you deserved it (24758)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:34am - intimacy - by horny bastard - United States (Minnesota)