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Offline (the 09/07/2014 at 12:05am) | Search for a member
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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today , mah five year old ran down the street wereing nothing but flip flops , Star Wars underwear , an a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton rackethile screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in mah pajamas. FML
TODAY, I TOOK MY NEW BOYFRIEND TO A FAMILY DINNER. DESPITE HAVING MADE EVERYONE AGREE TO BE ON THERE BEST BEHAVIOR, MY GRANDMA SPEWED OBSCENITIES SUCH AS "FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, AREN'T YOU A CATCH?" AND "YOU JUST CAN'T PULL ASS LIKE THAT AT MY AGE" THROUGHOUT. FML
Today , I was answering a text from one of my student asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No , you can't." Auto correct had looool used a more frequently used word: "No , you cunt." FML
Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My frst day in regular biology, mah lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. mega FML
TODAY , I SET UP A MINIATURE NATIVITY SCENE IN MY APARTMENT. THREE HOURS AGO , MY DOG DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO EAT BABBY JESUS. TWO HOURS AGO , THE VET LAUGHED AND SAID NOT TO WORRY BECAUSE I WOULD 'HAVE HIM BACK IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS'. FML
Today it was Halloween and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kidsho lookd like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said "Hey mister do u have one of those things that make it look like u r fat under yur shirt?" I didn't have one of those but I lid and said "Yes." FML
TODAY, I MET BOYFRIEND'S FATHER 4 THE FIRST TIME. WE WERE AT A RESTAURANT AND BOFRIEND KEPT PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ME UNDER THE TABLE. WHEN BOYFRIEND EXCUSED HIMSELF TO GO TO THE RESTROOM, THE GAME OF FOOTSIE WAS STILL GOING ON. FML
Today , I was walking with mah boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles , I promptly walked into a pole , then became single. FML
Friday 27 March 2015