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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I agree, your life sucks (18919) - you deserved it (2086)
Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16263) - you deserved it (3606)
Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (3964)
On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31105) - you deserved it (7482)
On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18827) - you deserved it (1805)
On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States
Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15666) - you deserved it (7017)
On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands
Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18864) - you deserved it (13393)
On 02/07/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7103) - you deserved it (20543)
On 02/07/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by MillyMan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24837) - you deserved it (6487)
On 02/06/2012 at 11:18am - intimacy - by jodibut - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20304) - you deserved it (2454) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10015) - you deserved it (34365)
On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16496) - you deserved it (23908)
On 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Duplighost (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25084) - you deserved it (40493)
On 01/12/2012 at 12:36am - love - by Nate (man) - United States
Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26364) - you deserved it (2966)
On 01/11/2012 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21652) - you deserved it (2930)
On 12/30/2011 at 1:35am - love - by wellthatsawkward (woman) - United States (Utah)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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