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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32616) - you deserved it (5378)
On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33875) - you deserved it (6997)
On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21898) - you deserved it (6545)
On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31102) - you deserved it (1603)
On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16106) - you deserved it (2695)
On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11750) - you deserved it (21437)
On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4459) - you deserved it (32269)
On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34096) - you deserved it (2874)
On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14610) - you deserved it (1961)
On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6796) - you deserved it (28770)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17929) - you deserved it (1144)
On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20565) - you deserved it (3267)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18513) - you deserved it (7428)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)
Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18292) - you deserved it (1658)
On 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm - kids - by Redhead4life (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22383) - you deserved it (4083)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:16am - misc - by lizzie1833 - United States (Ohio)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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