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Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5097) - you deserved it (22346)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16536) - you deserved it (1034)
On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7554) - you deserved it (1249)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16502) - you deserved it (6800)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)
Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (7091) - you deserved it (624)
On 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm - kids - by Redhead4life (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7701) - you deserved it (1292)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:16am - misc - by lizzie1833 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (657)
On 03/14/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by CierraJordan - United States (Utah)
Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7580) - you deserved it (1077)
On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7337) - you deserved it (678)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm - misc - by lanu (man) - United States
Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6442) - you deserved it (487)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
I agree, your life sucks (7484) - you deserved it (623)
On 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8487) - you deserved it (11304)
On 03/06/2012 at 1:55pm - love - by Tommy (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6032) - you deserved it (931)
On 03/03/2012 at 3:27am - health - by fingerhut - United States (California)
Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML
I agree, your life sucks (5572) - you deserved it (17100)
On 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by argh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14744) - you deserved it (2110)
On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)
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