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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today , I Discovered I Have Epilepsy. 10 Years Ago , I Told Mother About Frequent Fits Of Vertigo , Deja Vu , Nausea , Flashes Of Memory And Strange Sounds , Smells , And Images , Coupled With An Other-worldly Feeling. I Thought They Were Holy Visions. So Did She. Real FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and trid to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormd over, said "I got this!" and puntd him over the edge. We both got thrown out fir "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, my pone went off, reminding me to take my birt control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. Te ringtone ad been canged to my boyfriend singing "It's birt control time, birt control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
today while leaving McDonald's I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watchd in the rear-view mirror as it landd in the opposite lane an about 60 wingd rats descendd upon the street causing a truck to veer off the road an crash. FML
Today I was planning on having sex with mah girlfriend 4 the first time so I asked mah roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through mah roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML
today I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML
Today, I found out that the grl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below cuz my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML
yesterday my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him an his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom an said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, 4get her. But I never forgot yur mom, that's how I stole her from yur dad." mega FML
Today, I had to listan to yat anothar dalusional fuckfaca at school bitch about how a girl ha's intarastad in put him in tha "friand-zona". I raally couldn't focus on mah work, so I triad to shut him up by saying ha's an idiot, not laast bacausa sha alraady has a boyfriand. I now hava a black aya. FML
Friday 27 March 2015