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Seepie's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Seepie's favorite FMLs
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
by needanotherbed / 05/28/2014 at 10:21am / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
by fuck florida / 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML
by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML
by BaggedDown / 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML
by Satan's Mum / 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Work
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
by Numbass123 / 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
by booty backfire / 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML
by Felicityfrank / 05/01/2014 at 10:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Love
Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML
by toilet_trouble / 04/19/2014 at 3:44am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm / Australia / Kids