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Seepie's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Seepie's favorite FMLs
Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
by hardee fucking har yourself, sir / 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
by benjo / 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm / United States / Kids
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Health
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by -_____- / 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm / Netherlands / Intimacy
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by confusedmofo / 07/29/2013 at 2:35am / Indonesia / Love
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
by microlovin / 07/28/2013 at 3:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
by good_aim / 07/27/2013 at 4:03am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by amiezingme / 07/26/2013 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML
by JealousBratMuch / 07/25/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm / South Africa / Transportation
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…