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Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (3098) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30735) - you deserved it (14307)
On 01/29/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by ohfuckwaffles (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29874) - you deserved it (4756)
On 01/26/2013 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Lauren324 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30627) - you deserved it (3978)
On 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm - health - by LagSwitchFTW (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24990) - you deserved it (3951)
On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18602) - you deserved it (33980)
On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26208) - you deserved it (3970)
On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34313) - you deserved it (2279)
On 01/23/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by birthday_loser (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27330) - you deserved it (1939)
On 01/23/2013 at 12:45pm - misc - by mariama (woman) - United States
Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37308) - you deserved it (3538)
On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23685) - you deserved it (4012)
On 01/20/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22051) - you deserved it (6805)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36982) - you deserved it (6138)
On 01/19/2013 at 8:20am - intimacy - by tingles (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47731) - you deserved it (4453)
On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33700) - you deserved it (6050)
On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Monday 20 May 2013
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