Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, after months of exercise an diets an finally reaching mah ideal wieght, I told mah morbidly obese cousin about mah success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, your still ugly." FML
Today... I was hitting on a girl... and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into mah phone... she called mah mom and asked her if she raised me to ( sexually harass women. ) FML
Today... I was at mah in-laws' house... an as I was walking to the living room I had mah hands on the back of mah hips supporting mah back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 month pregnant. FML
TODAY, MAH HUSBAND YELLD FROM UPSTAIRS, "BABE! BABE, COME QUICK!" TERRIFID THAT SOMETHING MIGHT HAVE HAPPEND TO OUR NEWBORN DAUGHTER, I RUSHD UP, ONLY TO FIND OUT HE JUST WANTD TO SHOW ME THAT HE'D LEREND HOW TO SPIN A TOP ON THE TIP OF HIS PENIS WITHOUT IT FALLING . FML
Today ma teacer was talking about anorexia an bulimia. Midway troug te lesson se stopped an knowingly asked if I wanted to sare ma experiences wit te class. I don't ave an eating disorder just a screwed-up metabolism. FML
Today, I woke up from a nigt of eavy drinking to fine ma girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called er last nigt an told er tat someone as beautiful as er could be wit someone way better tan me. Se agreed. FML
Today, I found out that the nice guyho comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. mega FML
TODAY, MY ROOMMATE UNEXPECTEDLY CUMMED HOME WITH A NEW PUPPY. I'M SEVERELY ALLERGIC TO DOGS. WHEN I REMINDED HER OF THIS, SHE EXPLAINED THAT THE PUPPY WAS HER FAMILY NOW AND IF I DIDN'T LIKE IT I SHOULD MOVE OUT CUZ BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER. MY ROOMMATE IS MY SISTER. FML
Friday 27 March 2015