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Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35285) - you deserved it (2573)
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38750) - you deserved it (3431)
On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51068) - you deserved it (3436)
On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33435) - you deserved it (10407)
On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States
Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38308) - you deserved it (8679)
On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)
Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41119) - you deserved it (4255)
On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31741) - you deserved it (14883)
On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39881) - you deserved it (5577)
On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States
Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32411) - you deserved it (3152)
On 04/10/2013 at 5:06am - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43271) - you deserved it (3496)
On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40755) - you deserved it (4305)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56859) - you deserved it (7691)
On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33492) - you deserved it (7357)
On 04/08/2013 at 5:17am - intimacy - by dancekat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35237) - you deserved it (4516)
On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29649) - you deserved it (6081)
On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 17 June 2013
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