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Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8646) - you deserved it (1264)
On 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm - love - by yesguysgetabusedtoo (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11072) - you deserved it (741)
On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30823) - you deserved it (8180)
On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21921) - you deserved it (2829)
On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States
Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29850) - you deserved it (2579)
On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29164) - you deserved it (1612)
On 05/23/2013 at 12:40pm - love - by a single fuck (man) - Germany (Berlin)
Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32161) - you deserved it (2520)
On 05/22/2013 at 6:56am - misc - by stillhave2years - United States
Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30148) - you deserved it (2664)
On 05/22/2013 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (3867)
On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)
Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33410) - you deserved it (2447)
On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38447) - you deserved it (2476)
On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States
Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40313) - you deserved it (6238)
On 05/20/2013 at 12:47am - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States
Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41074) - you deserved it (3612)
On 05/19/2013 at 3:35am - kids - by disappointed dad - United States
Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33787) - you deserved it (4163)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:30am - misc - by dafuqdidisee (man) - United States (California)
Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50226) - you deserved it (2761)
On 05/18/2013 at 7:15pm - health - by mackmackey (man) - United States (Arizona)
Friday 24 May 2013
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