SeasonedLemur

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SeasonedLemur

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 3 September 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1813
  • Number of comments : 228
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About SeasonedLemur : I eat doritos and play xbox all day everyday!
Waste your life with me! GT: SeasonedLemur

Oh and I know I\\\'m a complete fucking idiot I don\\\'t need to be told!

Happy Days!

SeasonedLemur's page activity

Visits<b>ajk168</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 7:26am<b>2simz</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 11:29pm<b>weedle99</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 9:58am<b>bandaidstations</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 12:07am<b>Tractor_Bait</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 4:19pm<b>aiw14</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 10:38am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 3:33pm<b>anythingrandom</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 3:45pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 6:06pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 12:54am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 4:47pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 4:49am<b>mrlawlor7777</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 3:50am<b>powerkeep</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 8:18pm<b>duhhspammerx3</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 10:03am<b>potato_panda</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 7:46am<b>Le_Rabbid</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 11:08pm<b>ally_sanderson</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 11:04pm

SeasonedLemur's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of SeasonedLemur's badges

SeasonedLemur's favorite FMLs

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

by Cecilly2010 / 04/28/2011 at 11:53am / Animals

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

by Told_You_So / 07/09/2009 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

by campmom / 07/08/2009 at 1:02am / Kids

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

by AidenFromSweden / 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

by BigBallah93 / 07/05/2009 at 11:23am / China (Beijing) / Animals

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

by RachelDC / 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

by Iman / 05/04/2009 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

by Noname / 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

by 315 / 01/28/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

by chicochico / 12/19/2008 at 11:05am / Intimacy

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

by Black / 12/11/2008 at 10:31pm / Lebanon (Beqaa) / Intimacy